I am a living testiment to the success of the Practioners Health Matters Programme directed by Dr Ide Delargy.
If you are struggling, I want you to read my story please because there is hope…Picture this scene:
A middle aged female doctor hanging herself in a blacked out bathroom in a rehab unit. There was no light left in her life. Moments before the Abyss she used her coral lipstick to write to her loved ones – “I love you and I’m sorry”.
She deliberately did not take her librium scheduled that evening as she wanted to be clear minded, to bear witness to her suffering of shame and feel the pain, asking God for forgiveness because she became an addict to morphine. Cyclimorph injections became her rescue in treating chronic pain and bowel issues, but very quickly engulfed her soul like a demons fire.
“What kind of a skum bag was she?” she thought. Abandon all that was good in her life to be eased by the next opiate high which really only lasted 10 minutes and left so many side effects. She truly felt that she deserved to die. Eyeballs engorged, carotids bursting in her ears…no air…she prayed it would be over soon.
Suddenly the shower rail snapped, she landed thethered to the detached rail piece, half asphyxiated she figured only a small amount of leverage was all that was needed her her head and waited. For some unknown reason other than Divine Intervention, her consciousness snapped and the image of her dead mother helped her to unravel the 6 knots in darkness while wanting to gulp for air.
Panic stricken she understood now what happens when distressed people change their minds in taking their own lives and it becomes too late! Shaking and obviously distorted, she finally cried for Help. The alarm was sounded and she woke up to a new reality.
What she learned in that locked in unit was how badly affected the mind becomes. She herself was euphoric for having a second chance at living with no obvious neurological consequences while she watched agitated patients all around her suffering in their own way.
Her family had not known where she was until the crisis happened. In their eyes she had been perfect, she did not want them to see her broken, now in shoes where laces were not allowed. When they came, she felt their anguish, shock and unconditional love.
After a few weeks in hospital, she was given a roadmap to her recovery which involved regular visits to Dr Ide Delargy, regular random drug testing and visits to her GP, weekly counselling with a highly experienced addiction counsellor, follow up with a psychiatrist and supportive meetings with 2 members of the medical council health committee. She was making the lifestyle changes needed for her health and mindful of her responsibilities towards her family and patients.
Unfortunately her work colleague of 4 years saw this as a business opportunity for himself and through vicious bullying he stole her practice of 16 years and staff. He also complained her to the medical council. When the first complaint was thrown out, he sent in another complaint. All designed to break her spirit again. Thankfully it was seen as vindictive but the process of interrogation did knock her confidence badly because it coincided with the tragic death of her step sister and her partner leaving.
There was natural grief and hurt, so many negative emotions and a broken heart but all the way throughout she found Hope in how Dr Ide steered her in the right direction with practical ways of coping as a doctor under severe stress.
Today she walks in the forrest with warm yellow sunshine in her heart feeling a deep gratitude for the Balance that now exists in her life. Her medical practice is a success again as people appreciate her holistic approach. Her children are happy and doing well in their chosen career paths and she is now friends with their father again.
Most of all she is no longer lonely as she has a few very good friends and interests. She enjoys adventures with her father and stepmother and relishes in the special relationship they share and her brothers recognise her as being the same girl they knew, their older sister perfect because she is not perfect!
“Practitioners Health Matters Programme (PHMP) and Dr Delargy have saved my life and my career. PHMP is a gift that I did not feel I deserved at many times during my recovery and the relief that such a service existed to a group of people who are trained to be impervious to flaws was a relief and a surprise, especially in this country where young practitioners are exposed to so much abuse.” – Anonymous
“Thank you again for your time and experience, both as a doctor and human being. I am very grateful for the enterprise that is Practitioner Health and have alerted colleagues to it.” – Anonymous
“I was ashamed to be unwell in the multiple ways I was and had concluded that I was beyond help to return to work. Being offered time and space in the company of an experienced other human being who was able to be the ‘giver’ with nothing required from me other than my presence was humbling but quietly and unexpectedly a turning point. I mattered and it was important that I recovered whatever my ultimate decision.” – Anonymous
“When I heard you say that your time and service was free of charge to me, I felt a huge sense of generosity being shown to me and it restored something. I find it difficult to explain why I felt such gratitude but I think it had something to do with feeling that I really belonged to a community that valued me and my recovery, that this was important enough to have a service funded for people like me so that there would be no barrier to my getting help.” – Anonymous
“When I found the email address for Practitioner Health I was relieved. It took a few days for me to make contact. You replied quickly. When you phoned and I wondered if my dilemma was worth discussing, your reply with the assurance that is was, mattered enormously. The additional matter of being seen soon continued this welcome and unfamiliar sense of being taken care of in a timely humane way.” – Anonymous
“I want to say thank you for your time and attention to me over the last number of months as I began my recovery from a difficult and traumatic time.” – Anonymous
“Practitioners Health Matters Programme (PHMP) and Dr Delargy have saved my life and my career. PHMP is a gift that I did not feel I deserved at many times during my recovery and the relief that such a service existed to a group of people who are trained to be impervious to flaws was a relief and a surprise, especially in this country where young practitioners are exposed to so much abuse.
It is not possible to solve the sort of problems I had on my own and with their non-judgemental care and their support, I have been able to reclaim my career without incontrovertible consequences. This would not have been possible if I had waited longer or had attempted to deal with my mental health issues alone. Often when I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of the challenges these issues posed and still pose me, my weekly session with PHMP gave me the confidence and sense of well-being to continue the process towards sobriety and to building a life without the same cravings and anxiety of my addiction. They are highly skilled and especially positive because of their experience in helping so many others.
They also assisted me in finding other resources available to process my issues and to analyse them in a constructive and accepting fashion so that I was able to become a safe practitioner and a happier person. PHMP have also been able to assist me in these matters without professional bodies becoming aware of them so that further destructive consequences to myself and my patients could be avoided.
I am indebted to PHMP and am delighted and relieved that I was able to elicit their help early enough. I cannot recommend PHMP highly enough to anyone – if you have any doubt about you current functioning in light of similar issues, please do not hesitate to contact them or the consequences may not be quite as fortunate.” – Anonymous